A Letter to My Father on Father's Day

A friend of mine suggested that I write a letter to my parents.  I took this advice to heart by writing to them collectively a few times.  It wasn't until recently that I was struck with the idea to write to them separately.    On Mother's Day 2013, I wrote A Letter to My Mother and I found it very cathartic.  It was a way to express my gratitude and love.  I have to be honest, there is something about writing a letter and letting it being seen in a public forum such as this that is both extremely scary and exhilarating.  Since I wrote that letter to my mother, I have felt a strong urge to continue in the same vein and write a letter to my father for Father's Day.  That is what follows.

For those of you who don't know, my father passed away six days after my twelfth birthday in February 2000.  Some have said that I didn't have enough time with my dad.  That he was passed away too soon.  Before, I would have agreed with those people.  Now, I know I was given just enough time with him.

Dad,

As Father's Day approaches I am bombarded by commercials, advertisements, decorations, images and Facebook posts about celebrating all that it meas to be Dad.  There are times when I feel overwhelmed by this bombardment, my head begins to spin, my heart begins to race and I just want it all to stop.  Even as I write this letter I am feeling anxious.  These feelings also arise at times when I think about life events:  graduation, birthdays, weddings, etc.  But then a peace washes over me and I remember to breath.  I feel the hairs on my arms stand up and I feel your presence.  You are standing next to me.  Calming me down.  Walking down this journey with me.  Thank you.  As I told mom, I know that you are by my side every step I take.  I take solace in that knowledge.  

There are days that I feel like I am forgetting what you look like.  But I just take a quick look in the mirror and I see your cheekbones, your forehead, and that receding hairline and then I remember.  Or I look at your wedding photo and see you and mom standing side by side ready to conquer any obstacle that came your way.  In that photo I see both of my parents perfectly happy and my fears of forgetting you are erased.

We only had twelve years together.  Not a long time when you were spending those twelve years as a kid.  To be honest, I only remember about seventy-five percent of those years.  But what I do remember, I will carry with me for the rest of my life.   I can thank you for about half of my personality.  I can thank you for my love for gospel music.  My best memories are of you and I rehearsing for one of your performances.  I loved to her you sing as a kid.  Even to this day, when a certain song is played I can hear your voice.  You taught me to work hard at all that I do.  Combined with mom's organizational skills and desire for perfection, you both set me up for success.  Thank you for teaching me to take time and enjoy the moments that God grants us.   Thank you for teaching me that it's okay to take a break every now and again so that I do not become consumed by the stresses of life.  Because you led by example, I know what it looks like to actually learn from a mistake and attempt to make amends. Trust me, I've applied that knowledge to my life a few times.

I can tell that I inherited your love for family, no matter how interestingly unique and separated we can be.  As a kid, I did not ask a lot of questions about your childhood and past.  But now that your gone, I get to here anecdotes from your sisters and through that I get to grow closer to you and to them.  You taught me to never give up on anything, especially my family.  Speaking of family, I apparently inherited your love for tattoos.  I'm not blaming you at all.  Like you said, tattoos tell a story and they represent an ideal for which we strive.

The greatest thing you taught me was to love.   You taught me to love my family, treat my friends as family, and to love God above all things.  For that I will be forever grateful.

Thank you for the memories, dad.  Both the good ones and the bad ones.  You may not have always made the best decisions in life and you may not have been perfect; but you were the perfect father for me.  I thank God for you.  I love you dad.   I look forward to one day giving you the biggest of hugs.  Happy Father's Day.

Love,
Geoffery