Gone Fishin'

I've come to realize two things:  1. searching for a future opportunity is like fishing; and 2. fishing is labor intensive.

I say this mostly as a kind reminder to myself, because for a few months now I have been using the fishing analogy when describing how I searched for future opportunities.  I also use this analogy to remember some of the best times of my childhood - going fishing with my father.  

When I applied to grad school, I researched where I wanted to go and then cast out a net to see what I could catch.  Like any good fishing day, the net did not catch exactly what I wanted it to catch.  However, it this particular instance, it provided exactly what I needed.  With it came some awesome blessings.  First, I was blessed to even be accepted into a program ranked in the Top 30 for Criminal Justice programs in the nation.  The blessings continued with the funding package I received.  Now I have been blessed even more with awesome co-workers and fellow graduate students to work alongside.

So with this success in fishing behind me, I now set out on my next fishing adventure:  the search for a career.  That in itself is scary.  No longer am I looking for a job, but I am looking for a career.  The body of water is a lot larger and the fish come in all shapes and sizes.  And with that, I feel the need to use more than just a net, its time to bring out a few fishing poles to see what I can catch.

My hope is to effectively secure a career that effectively meshes my education in criminal justice and my passion to fight injustice, and be a beacon of light and hope and defend the rights of people.

So here I go.  I'm going fishing.

A Letter to My Father on Father's Day

A friend of mine suggested that I write a letter to my parents.  I took this advice to heart by writing to them collectively a few times.  It wasn't until recently that I was struck with the idea to write to them separately.    On Mother's Day 2013, I wrote A Letter to My Mother and I found it very cathartic.  It was a way to express my gratitude and love.  I have to be honest, there is something about writing a letter and letting it being seen in a public forum such as this that is both extremely scary and exhilarating.  Since I wrote that letter to my mother, I have felt a strong urge to continue in the same vein and write a letter to my father for Father's Day.  That is what follows.

For those of you who don't know, my father passed away six days after my twelfth birthday in February 2000.  Some have said that I didn't have enough time with my dad.  That he was passed away too soon.  Before, I would have agreed with those people.  Now, I know I was given just enough time with him.

Dad,

As Father's Day approaches I am bombarded by commercials, advertisements, decorations, images and Facebook posts about celebrating all that it meas to be Dad.  There are times when I feel overwhelmed by this bombardment, my head begins to spin, my heart begins to race and I just want it all to stop.  Even as I write this letter I am feeling anxious.  These feelings also arise at times when I think about life events:  graduation, birthdays, weddings, etc.  But then a peace washes over me and I remember to breath.  I feel the hairs on my arms stand up and I feel your presence.  You are standing next to me.  Calming me down.  Walking down this journey with me.  Thank you.  As I told mom, I know that you are by my side every step I take.  I take solace in that knowledge.  

There are days that I feel like I am forgetting what you look like.  But I just take a quick look in the mirror and I see your cheekbones, your forehead, and that receding hairline and then I remember.  Or I look at your wedding photo and see you and mom standing side by side ready to conquer any obstacle that came your way.  In that photo I see both of my parents perfectly happy and my fears of forgetting you are erased.

We only had twelve years together.  Not a long time when you were spending those twelve years as a kid.  To be honest, I only remember about seventy-five percent of those years.  But what I do remember, I will carry with me for the rest of my life.   I can thank you for about half of my personality.  I can thank you for my love for gospel music.  My best memories are of you and I rehearsing for one of your performances.  I loved to her you sing as a kid.  Even to this day, when a certain song is played I can hear your voice.  You taught me to work hard at all that I do.  Combined with mom's organizational skills and desire for perfection, you both set me up for success.  Thank you for teaching me to take time and enjoy the moments that God grants us.   Thank you for teaching me that it's okay to take a break every now and again so that I do not become consumed by the stresses of life.  Because you led by example, I know what it looks like to actually learn from a mistake and attempt to make amends. Trust me, I've applied that knowledge to my life a few times.

I can tell that I inherited your love for family, no matter how interestingly unique and separated we can be.  As a kid, I did not ask a lot of questions about your childhood and past.  But now that your gone, I get to here anecdotes from your sisters and through that I get to grow closer to you and to them.  You taught me to never give up on anything, especially my family.  Speaking of family, I apparently inherited your love for tattoos.  I'm not blaming you at all.  Like you said, tattoos tell a story and they represent an ideal for which we strive.

The greatest thing you taught me was to love.   You taught me to love my family, treat my friends as family, and to love God above all things.  For that I will be forever grateful.

Thank you for the memories, dad.  Both the good ones and the bad ones.  You may not have always made the best decisions in life and you may not have been perfect; but you were the perfect father for me.  I thank God for you.  I love you dad.   I look forward to one day giving you the biggest of hugs.  Happy Father's Day.

Love,
Geoffery

A Letter to My Mother

Today is Mother's Day.  It's a day to celebrate our mothers and all of the wonderful things they have done for us.  I don't really know what to say, even now I am working on a fourth draft; but I feel compelled to write and share this letter with the world.  Or at least, to share it with those who are willing to read it.  Maybe I am hoping that my story will inspire someone.  So here I go...

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother's Day.  I love you and miss you terribly.  I think about you often; it is hard to believe that it will be six years next week.  Time has surely flown by quickly.  I often wonder what you see from up there in Heaven.  I wonder what it's like to be that close to our Heavenly Father in all of His majesty.  I am jealous.  I am jealous because you get to be with Him; and I am jealous because He gets to be with you.  I know that is childish of me, but it's the truth.  Despite that jealousy, I know that you are here with me.  Sometimes I forget.  But you are always by my side.  When I close my eyes and drown out the world, I see you, dad, and God standing next to me.  We are standing on a path.  We've walked a long way so far already and we've got farther to go. Up ahead there is a hill.  I want to race to that hilltop and view what lies beyond.  But all three of you tell me to be patient.  You say we will get there in due time.  I thank you for standing next to me, walking with me down this path and experiencing this wonderful journey.  

I thank you for all of your love, for all that you have given me, and for all that you have taught me over the years.  Thank you for being my mom.  Thank you loving me despite all of my flaws.  Thank you for celebrating my achievements and success, kissing away the hurt, hugging me through the tears, and smacking me upside the head when I needed it.

In our short nineteen years together, you taught me so much.  You taught me how to sort laundry at the age of three.  I remember that's how I learned the difference between colors and the difference between a circle, a square, and a rectangle (these were the shapes of our laundry baskets).  You taught me how to cook and not burn down the house and how to bake and not burn the food.  Even though there were a few close calls at times.  You taught me the difference between right and wrong.  You taught me to sit back and reflect before responding.  Most importantly, you taught me to follow God first.  You taught me that even when the world got really ugly, that I could always cling to our Heavenly Father for comfort.  And you taught me to fight for what I believed; that without our faith and beliefs to guide us we had very little in life.  

But mostly, I want to thank you for having faith in me, even when I did not have faith in myself.  Thank you for pushing me when I did not want to move forward, and for carrying me when I couldn't move.  Thank you for encouraging me to follow my dreams.  

Happy Mother's Day Mom.  I love you.

-G

119-Day Vacation

Today is May 1st.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  Today begins my 119-Day Vacation.  Yesterday I took my last final exam for my undergraduate career.  Tomorrow, shortly after 2:30 p.m. I will walk across the stage along with several hundred graduating Knights, thus concluding my many years striving for my undergraduate degree.  It's very surreal, and I don't really know if the gravitas of my graduation from UCF has fully hit me.  I am sure it will.  I am extremely elated to be coming up on this milestone, but there is something else I am looking forward to even more.

As I said earlier, I am beginning my 119-Day Vacation, my almost-four month sabbatical.  I taking a vacation from my busy life.  This is what I am looking forward to the most, a vacation that begins on May 1, 2013 and ends on August 19, 2013 when I begin the Criminal Justice graduate program at the University of Central Florida.  It is going to be an awesome vacation.  I have no big expectations except to just grow and enjoy the time.  And those are the only expectations I really need.  God will do the rest.

I am looking forward to this time because I don't have anything to do except for what God wants me to do.  I will be spending this time resting in and focusing on God's word, spending time with family, catching up on books that I have yet to read and relaxing.  In preparation for this time, I have been reading two books:  The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg and Invitation to Solitude and Silence:  Experiencing God's Transforming Presence by Ruth Haley Barton.  Both authors give tips on how to communicate with our Heavenly Father through just being still.  Following their guidance I have nothing but hope that this time will be transform me in many ways.

Some of you who know me may be asking how I am coping with this.  Rest in the fact that I am very excited for this experience.  I am actually looking forward to this time where I have no big commitment and nothing really to work on.  I am truly at peace with where God has me, and that is the best place I can be in.  I don't think of this is a prison sentence where I will begrudgingly counting down the days until I am "free" from the solitude.  I believe that this is one of the most freeing times of my life.  It will be a adventure, and I am sure I will be stretched but I will come out the stronger because of it.  I see myself walking down a path, our Heavenly Father is right there beside me, holding my hand and talking with me.  I am solely focused on him, even though there are many distractions just on the edges of the path.

With that in mind, I do have a favor to ask of you.  Please pray for me.  Pray that I won't be easily distracted by the bright lights, by idleness, and by the world.  My biggest fear is that I will get off course and get stuck.  Also, please feel free to check in on me.  Give me a call, send me a text or email, asking me how I am doing.  I would love to share my experience with you.

I am not sure exactly how this vacation period will transform me, but I know that it will be an amazing journey no matter what.